Don't Buy a Mac

The Following Email prompted the response below:

Chris Perry <blahblahblahblahblah1@gmail.com>	Wed, Sep 21, 2011 at 10:03 AM
To: David Mills <blahblahblahblahblah2@gmail.com>
OK. Steve Jobs stepped down from apple CEO position last month.  It's well known that companies in times of transition struggle with maintaining a level of quality.  In addition, it's pretty well known that Jobs was the one who was the main driver in Apple's innovative spirit.  Without his leadership, Apple is likely to become corporate, meaning their products will cheapen, their prices will increase, their support will be sporadic, and their office will be hit by a meteor.  In addition, his last name is Jobs, which actually is a synonym for "careers".  This indicates that if you buy a product from a company that no longer employs Jobs, it indicates your willingness to toss aside your own career, the careers of your family, and the careers of Apple employees. Also, Apples are the most common fruit, meaning that by buying an Apple, you are trudging along the beaten path, going with the flow, and generally following the mindless trend of the masses.  You would be more of an individual and would place yourself in a position to capitalize on your uniqueness were you to purchase computer components on your own and build it to your own spec.  You can also build things like glow-in-the-dark water-cooled heat sinks for your processor, which is a big hit with ladies, successful businessmen, and absolves you of any need for a nightlight.  Also, as you know, Apples originated in western Asia and were not even introduced into the United States until the late 1600's, so I think it's fair to say that people who buy Apples are un-American fascists. The term "Mac" itself has the negative connotation of a fat man pounding his fist on a bar demanding a beer.  Is this really the mental image you want your peers to have of you when you are operating a computer?  Computers require finesse and intelligence to achieve maximum usage.  You would be throwing that away for a visual stereotype.  That would set back your social life and career opportunities quite a bit. Speaking of intelligence, I think it's obvious that the word intelligence is derived from the ancient Silicon Valleyian word "Intel," which, when roughly translated into modern English, means, "Less expensive, more customizable, and less snobbish than Apples."  Choosing anything other than an Intel processor (or an AMD, which is an acronym for "Amazing electroMechanical Device"), signifies your willingness to turn your back on one of the basic tenets of human nature -- that is, to evolve to a higher plane of existence, defined by rationality and increased thought and reasoning capacity. So. Don't buy a Mac, or you're an unAmerican, job-killing rube who is moving backwards on the evolutionary path.